........Sharon Wei
My Dream...........
will be added later on...x. o .x .o
you know you love me
Sharon Wei
I had a very high fever yesterday and today (after taking Tylenol, I was still around approximately 104 degrees), Today, I went to a Chinese New Year party thing, I don’t know exactly what it was called, but I wasn’t feeling my best. I consistently got worse through the night. I felt so alone, as if no one cared. Everyone was too busy with their own conversations and completely forgot about me, almost as if I wasn’t even there. And that hurts, it hurts that people I know most can’t tell when I’m sad or not feeling good, it’s sad no one understands how I feel without me having to explain, it’s sad that you “best friends” can’t take a mere minute out of their lives to worry if you are okay, and most of all, it’s sad when the people you put closest to your heart don’t do the same. 
That burns a hole so deep in my heart that no matter how much I wish to look past it, I can’t. But I’m a great actress, no one will every know any of this, how I feel, when I’m sad, when I’m lonely, when I’m upset; my heart's hidden secrets. I’m such a great actress that sometimes I can even trick myself thinking everything is alright… even when it isn't
Sometimes I wonder how much my heart can take, I wonder if eventually it’ll just fall apart. But there’s always hope that one day I’ll meet someone who puts me close to their heart. Someone that when they see something that reminds them of me, they’ll want to give it to me. Someone who’ll know how I’m feeling without any words spoken. Someone who knows just what to do to turn my frown upside down. Someone who puts me ahead of themselves. But most of all, someone who’ll always be by my side, no matter what. I’m sick of doing this for everyone and never getting anything in return. No matter how many times I say I’m okay, or that it’s fine, don’t believe me. Because no, I’m not okay, and no, it’s not fine. I’m tired of being apologized to because I forgive easily, because I never hold grudges, because I would never get mad at you, because I’m too nice, and because supposedly it won’t hurt me. none of that is true. It does hurt me, in ways you cannot imagine. It hurts that you use my soft heart, my non-ability to hold grudges, and my forgiveness against myself. But what hurts the most, when you don’t apologize. When you deliberately hurt my heart and don’t apologize, I just am speechless; it’s as if you stabbed me in the back. It hurts that much. All I can ask is what are you doing this to me? After all the things I’ve done for you, at the end of the day, do I deserve this? At times, I want myself to hurt others the way they’ve done to me, to stop being that girl that’ll always be there for everyone, to stop being so nice, to toughen up, to be rude, to not forgive so easily; I wish I could change it all. 
But if I changed any of that, I wouldn’t be me. Still, it’s funny that whenever I see something in the store that reminds me of you, I’ll get it for you, no questions asked. It’s funny that when I see something of yours is broke, I immediately want to fix it or get you a new one. It’s funny that whenever people say anything negative about you, I’ll fight for you till the end of the world. It’s funny that I’ll always take your opinions into consideration. It’s funny what I can give up so you’re happy. It’s funny that I always look forward to seeing you… and the list goes on and on. Everything that I’ve done, if I could just receive a little back, it would mean the world to me. Just a little appreciation and love could change the world and melt away the scars that have haunted me to this very day. But very few can do that and I’m consistently I because I put my trust and heart into you then, I get I back. 
You take it, smile, walk away, and throw it away, forgetting it ever happened. All the heart I put into it, my sweat, my tears, my hard work, my smiles, my sleepless nights, everything…..all wasted. Sometimes I can forget about all this. I can pretend it isn’t there, but how can I pretend it’s not there when everywhere I turn, I see the scars, the pair, and my tears? The thing is, I’m fed up with always being the one who knows how you feel without you having to tell me, the one who makes you smile when you’re upset, the one who always gives you support, and the one who’ll always be cheering for you in the audience. I don’t know if I’m being selfish or if I’m just being human, but sometimes I want some of this back, some of the love returned. I don’t ask for much, I just was someone to treat me the way I treat others. I’ve always believed that the saying “The way you treat others is the way you will be treated” was true, but now I’m starting to believe that the sayings “Nice people always finish last:” and “Nice people always get stepped on”. But I’ll try to stay strong, I’ll keep on keeping the faith and maybe one day, if I’m patient enough, the sun will rise. Because “No matter how dark it is, you cannot feel afraid. So as long as you wait patiently, the sun will rise eventually because the closer you are to darkness, the closer you are to the sun” – Heading to the Ground.
I apologize for this entry being so depressing. 
I just had to get this all off my chest. I feel so much better now. It’s almost as if a weight has been lifted off my heart. Thank you for reading. I appreciate it. That alone is the support I need. So thank you again.